Making Friends

Caleb was deep in thought; had been for minutes now. Then his eyes lit up like he had an epiphany. I imagined a light bulb illuminating above his head.

"I think I need a black friend," he said to me, as if he had come to a weighty conclusion after much deliberation. He might as well have declared that he needed to move more of his investments into bonds or that he needed a new toaster. He said it calmly, seemingly after much deliberation.

"Why?" I said, because I couldn't think of a better response.

"I was just thinking. I have you and you're Asian, well Chinese to be exact."

I nodded. No argument there.

"There's Sarah, who's Jewish. Then there's Jorge--"

"Jorge's your landscaper."

"We go out for a beer once in a while," he said, which apparently made them good friends. "The fact is, I have no black friends. Why is that?"

"Because you live in New Hampshire. You're lucky you have me as a friend. You're ahead of the curve."

"I'm just not trying hard enough. Diversity. That's where it's at. I need a black friend."

He seemed resolute in this statement.

"So you have an affirmative action friend-making system now?"

"Sure, why not?"

"You're one crazy cracker."