John Oliver the Orphan

When people ask John Oliver about his parents, he likes to tell them that the was an orphan before he was born, which--although is not normally the way one begins polite conversation--is technically true. The only thing John knows about his family is that his mother's name was Georgia and she was seventeen when she was rushed into an emergency room. She died seconds before he was born and he lived for a month in the preemie ward.

The hospital never found out where Georgia came from. They only knew her name because it was the one thing she was able to scribble down before she was wisked away into an operating room. The EMTs said she was found sprawled in an alley. The police couldn't find any identification on her and the investigation into finding her family eventually beared no fruit. They concluded, for the lack of new information, that she had used a false name and was most likely a runaway.

The baby was named John because the nurses were not the creative type. His last name would have been Smith if not for Georgia's partially filled in admittance form.